What to Do After Your Child has been Disciplined

after-disciplineAs parents, most of us eventually reach a point in which we are so experienced at dishing out consequences that we can practically do it in our sleep. Impressive? Yes. However, despite this incredible ability, there is still an important factor that is often overlooked by busy and/or preoccupied parents…and that is what to do AFTER you have disciplined your child.

More often than not, parents neglect to follow up with what I consider to be the important final steps to disciplining a child: processing, forgiving, and allowing the child to “save face.”

Keep in mind that these steps may not be necessary for all children but when a particular child is emotionally charged (after receiving his or her consequence) then these steps may go a long way in remedying the situation and turning it into a learning experience.

STEP 1: Process the situation

Make sure that your child…

1) knows which behavior it is that led to the consequence

2) understands why his or her actions were inappropriate, unsafe, or unacceptable

3) discusses some of the better choices that could have been made, and finally,

4) make sure that your child offers an appropriate apology.

STEP 2: Forgive

Calmly express your disappointment with regards to his behavior…but be sure to let him know that he is forgiven and that you are confident he will make a better choice next time.

STEP 3: Allow Your Child to “Save Face”

Find a subtle but kind gesture that allows your child to maintain his or her dignity. Apologize if you over-reacted or lost your temper while giving the consequence, give a quick but meaningful hug, say “I love you,” offer a Kleenex if he or she has been crying, etc. Let your child know that you appreciate his or her ability to accept and/or follow through with the consequence (if applicable). Be careful not to “reward” your child for his negative behavior by offering a treat (or such) afterwards.

So there you have it…three “follow up” steps to take after dishing out consequences.

Reality TV and Parenting

This last decade of television programming has brought with it a huge influx of reality-based shows that now seem to be on every channel one turns to. Many of these shows are ridiculous in nature, but there are some true gems among them. When I say “gems,” most of you probably assume that I’m talking about American Idol, Big Brother, or even Survivor. While there are millions of individuals that evidently find value in the above-mentioned shows, these are not the ones that I would describe as “gems.” I am instead talking about the small but highly informative group of “self help” shows. Dr. Phil, Nanny 911, and Supernanny all fit into that category. Yes, I realize that Nanny 911 is no longer on and that Supernanny is only being shown in reruns, but these shows do offer parents an entertaining format from which important parenting and/or relationship skills can be learned.

It is now possible to learn how to effectively use time out (or the “naughty spot” as it is referred to on Supernanny) or to recognize the warning signs associated with common childhood disorders (as identified by Dr. Phil on his show). Nanny 911 taught frustrated parents the correct way to put a non-compliant sleeper to bed as well as how to get fussy eaters to eat. These are only a few examples of the advice, tips, and techniques that parents can learn from these shows then use to effectively manage their difficult children. Clearly, there is a lot that can be learned from these informative shows. If you are a frustrated or overwhelmed parent looking for solutions to your child’s unruly behavior, give these shows a try. You’re likely to learn valuable parenting and discipline tips that can benefit your family and/or child (unless, of course, Dr. Phil’s guests are there in an effort to fix their annoying habits of juggling in their sleep or of unintentionally burping the alphabet every time they drink a sip of soda!). Looking for help with YOUR difficult or challenging child?

In addition to watching these shows, you can find a wonderful set of parenting and discipline tools at the following sites:

wwww.parentcoachplan.com

www.behavior-contracts.com

www.teenbehaviorcontracts.com

Young woman watching television, rear view

 

 

FREE Behavior Contract – Print and Use!

Hi Everyone!

I just created a new (and FREE) behavior contract that all you parents out there can use!  This free behavior contract is fairly general in that it covers a variety of behaviors and doesn’t stick to one specific behavior or character trait (like the others I have created for www.parentocahplan.com or www.teenbehaviorcontracts.com).  I have some other free behavior contracts available on our other blog over at www.freebehaviorcontracts.wordpress.com.  Again, the free contracts available on that site are all pretty generic…but helpful nonetheless.

free behavior contract

The Parent Coach Plan: What Exactly Is It?

Discipline Program

Parent Coach Plan Program

If you’re a frustrated parent looking for solutions to your child’s defiant or problematic behaviors then look no further!

The Parent Coach Plan is a simple yet highly effective child discipline program specifically designed to help parents establish clear expectations for their children while also promoting a foundation of firm, fair, consistent, and structured discipline.

Modeled after the highly effective behavior programs often employed in therapeutic treatment centers, The Parent Coach Plan utilizes a series of simple steps that ultimately help to bring about positive attitudes and improved behavior.

Effective behavior management and effective parenting go hand in hand. In order to achieve effective parenting, however, one must have the proper tools to do so. Defeating defiant and problematic behavior takes more than just yelling and “grounding.” There needs to be a specific plan in place and The Parent Coach Plan helps parents establish just such a plan.

Eliminating defiant behavior takes time and effort and this process can be highly stressful and incredibly frustrating to any parent that is unprepared for such a challenge. The Parent Coach Plan helps take the pressure off and helps eliminate the frustration that many parents come to experience while battling behavior problems.

Parents need only follow a few simple steps to get started.

Determine the problem behaviors that you wish for your child to address.

  1. Assign goals that address those problem behaviors (choose from the provided list of goals).
  2. Explain/Define those goals (examples also provided).
  3. Monitor those goals closely and assign points based on how well each goal was (or was not) met.
  4. Write those figures on the provided Point Sheet.
  5. Add up the total “goal points” at the end of the day then write that total on the provided calendar.
  6. Use the calendar and pre-completed contract to determine the privileges and restrictions (or rewards and consequences) earned (by the child) for the day.

That’s it in a nutshell!

Along with the “behavior program” section of The Parent Coach Plan is a section of valuable parenting information and discipline advice covering a variety of topics. Topics include: ways in which children manipulate, how to communicate more effectively with your child, ideas for rewards and consequences, discipline techniques, how to know if your child needs professional help, what to do if time-out is refused, and much more.

The Parent Coach Plan also includes a section that helps parents teach coping-skills to their child. Children can learn coping skills such as relaxation techniques, how to use problem-solving skills, how to utilize the stop sequence, how to use self-talk and self-soothing techniques, plus more.

And finally, a “parenting tools” section provides parents with a variety of charts, graphs, and worksheets which address a variety of parenting-relevant issues. Tools found in The Parent Coach Plan include: a Broken Rules Assignment, Anger Scale, Parenting Goals, Hygiene Checklist, “Quality Time” Log, and much more.

As a bonus, parents that purchase The Parent Coach Plan also receive a download of our Behavior Management Package, which includes (8) unique downloadable behavior contracts, an excellent behavior chart, Behavior Bucks, and more!

11 Tips for Being a Good Friend

good-friendsBe considerate. Being considerate means that you are being thoughtful and kind.  Make sure that you always take your friend’s feelings into consideration when making a decision that affects him or her.  Avoid doing things that will lead to hurt feelings or resentment

Be willing to make sacrifices for your friend.

Be supportive. Support your friend in any way you can.  If he plays a sport and you go to his game then cheer him on and root for his team.  If your friend has a cause that she believes very strongly in then you could show support by joining her in furthering that cause.  There are many ways in which you can support your friends.

Be understanding. It helps to understand your friend’s moods and to know a little bit about what he or she has gone through in life.  The better you know your friend the easier it is to understand him or her.

Remember the things that are important to your friend. A good friend should know such things as what their friend’s favorite color, song, singer, band, foods, activities (and so on) are.

Be a good listener.

Avoid gossiping or talking behind your friend’s back. This is one of the quickest and easiest ways to LOSE a friend.  Be careful what you say.

Be positive. Nobody wants to hang out with someone that drags them down. 

Be willing to put your friend first at times.

Be loyal. Being loyal means that your friend can trust you.  It also means that you are dedicated and devoted to your friend.  You stick by your friend “through thick and thin.”

Keep your word. If you say you’ll do something then do it.  Be dependable.

Addressing Risky Teen Behavior

We all know the issues and concerns associated with teen behavior.  What teen hasn’t engaged, to some degree, in at least some sort of risky behavior?  After all, it’s almost expected during those years.

Risky behavior isn’t the only thing parents have to worry about when it comes to their teenaged children…there’s dating, driving, cell phone usage, participation in sports, substance use, social media, negative attitudes, unusual hairstyles, school grades, and so much more that parents must worry about.

So, what can parents do to alleviate this worry?  Is there anything that can be done to minimize this risky behavior?

Communication

The first step parents can take is to communicate with their teen.  Communication should be open, honest, constructive, and validating.  Avoid roadblocks to communication such as criticizing, yelling, over-reacting, name-calling, or monopolizing the conversation.  Your teen wants and needs to be heard.

Keeping Tabs

Next, parents need to keep tabs on their teens.  This means checking in on them regularly and insisting that they do the same.  When asked, teens should be expected to notify parents of where they are at, who they are with, and what they are doing.  If there is any reason to doubt where the teen is then verify it by showing up or by confirming it in another way (phone calls to parents or locations, etc.).

Searching the Web

Specific behavior issues might arise which need special attention.  Perhaps the teen is stealing, sneaking out at night, bullying, causing problems at school, or even texting while driving.  An excellent source for “intervention” ideas is the good ol’ internet.  Google the specific problem and see what others have done to address the issue.  There is a wealth of information out there waiting to be found.

Counseling or Other Treatment

If all else fails and the risky teen behavior becomes too much to handle then it might be time to seek outside help in the form of counseling or some other type of treatment.  If counseling is sought after then it would be best to choose a counselor or therapist that is the same gender as your teen and one that has a considerable amount of experience with adolescents and teens.  Hospitalization and residential treatment are also an option if safety becomes an issue or if there is suspected substance use or mental health issues.

Behavior Contracts for Teensaddressing risky teen behavior

If things are manageable but in need of a little consistency, structure, and accountability then perhaps you could try using a teen behavior contract.  Teen behavior contracts are designed to establish firm limits and clear boundaries.  Teens are then held accountable for their risky behavior since they are bound by the rewards and consequences outlined in the contract.

If you are interested in learning more about teen behavior contracts then please visit http://www.teenbehaviorcontracts.com/.

Teaching Kids to Take Pride in their Appearance

Here are a few tips for teaching children and teens the proper way to take pride in their appearance.

pride in appearance

  1. Shower and/or bathe regularly.  Children older than 7 years old should shower a minimum of every-other-day (my opinion anyway).  Children and tweens should shower daily once they hit middle school…though an occasional day off is acceptable every few days or so.

 

  1. Wear clean clothes every day. This includes clean underwear!

 

  1. Wear nice clothes that are practical, that match, and that are situation-specific. Be sure to consider the day’s weather and the day’s activities.   Children and teens should dress modestly and should avoid wearing clothes that don’t fit properly.

 

  1. Take care of your hair. Keep it clean, trimmed, and in style.  It shouldn’t look like you just rolled out of bed…nor should it look as though it is housing a small family of rodents.

 

  1. Wear deodorant and/or a nice scent. People that smell good always leave a pleasant and lasting impression!  Be careful not to over-do  it…too much is worse than none!

 

  1. Use accessories to add some pizazz! A nice bracelet, ring, and/or necklace will compliment most outfits.  Girls might want to sport a cute pair of earrings, a fashionable headband or a pretty bow to accentuate their hairstyle while boys might choose to accessorize with a baseball cap.  A nice pair of shades can boost anyone’s level of “coolness.”

 

  1. Maintain good oral hygiene. Take good care of your teeth.  Brush and floss them regularly and be sure to visit your dentist every six months or so for a good professional cleaning.  You may not be too concerned about your teeth as a pre-teen but as you get older you will be glad you established healthy habits with regards to your teeth. Tune in regularly to know more about that here.

 

  1. Smile often. Nothing shows confidence better than a nice smile.  People notice smiles and they enjoy being around people who display them frequently.

11 Annoying Behaviors That Drive Parents Crazy!

deal-with-an-annoying-kid-SuperBabyAs parents, I’m sure we’ve dealt with some (if not all) of the following annoying behaviors from our children.  Though none of them necessarily indicate a need for treatment or therapy…they sure do drive us crazy!

  1. Whining. This has to be the number one most annoying child behavior ever known in the history of ever!  I’d rather listen to fingernails down a chalkboard.
  2. Messiness. There’s nothing more annoying than kids that leave their messes all over the place…okay, whining is more annoying…but messiness is definitely high on the list!
  3. Dawdling. Kids that “take their time doing things” are making it tough for those of us that want to “get moving!”  This is the ultimate in passive-aggressive behavior.
  4. Complaining. If I hear “That’s not fair!” one more time then I’m probably going to do something that really isn’t fair!
  5. Impulsiveness. This is when kids fail to think before they act.  These kids can snatch, grab, hit, and pinch (and so on) when they are upset or frustrated.
  6. Tattling. There’s no reason for kids to do this unless there’s a safety issue at hand…and 9 times out of 10 there is not.
  7. Having a sense of entitlement. For these kids nothing is ever good enough for them.  You can offer five different things for dinner and they will always want a sixth option (most of the time these kids aren’t very appreciative of the things that they DO get because they actually expect it).
  8. Bickering. Without siblings this would not be a problem.
  9. Picky Eating. Enough said!
  10. Annoying Habits. You know, like nose-picking, nail-biting, constant humming, hair-twirling, picking at scabs, or simply bouncing all over the place!
  11. Ignoring (aka, Selective Listening). Little Johnny is only three feet from you but he still can’t seem to hear you when you ask him to take the trash out.  Mumble something about snack time and he’s there in a flash.

14 Things I Once Did That I Sincerely Hope My Daughters Never Do

  1. Took a dare that I never should have taken.   Yes, I was about 13 years old when a good friend of mine (even to this day) offered me $10 to eat a big ol’ chunk of canned dog food…I believe it was ALPO (is that even around anymore?).  Anyway, the result?  Well, I almost choked to death…seriously.  Not only that, but it took me over 13 years to collect that $10…by that time the $10 was only worth about $1.65!  I hope my daughters are smarter than me (although something tells me I didn’t set the bar too high!).  Never do something stupid simply because someone dared you to do it (or because you felt pressured to do so).
  2. Drank more than I should have. Seriously?  This is a subject I could write a whole book about.  Just don’t do it.  Have fun, but pace yourself and maintain control of your faculties…you’ll be so happy that you did.
  3. Dated someone that I shouldn’t have. Again, I could write a whole book on this subject (actually, that’s not a bad idea!).  Anyway, never date someone just to “pass the time,” to boost your self-esteem, or because you are “lonely.”  Wait for someone that deserves you, someone of substance, and someone who is worth your time…you’ll be glad you did.  Please, don’t EVER date someone that you intend to “fix”…you won’t succeed and you’ll undoubtedly get hurt…trust me on this one!
  4. Allowed someone to talk me into a “multi-level marketing” endeavor.  They all end the same way…(90% chance you will have wasted a considerable amount of your time and have lost money in the meantime).
  5. Betrayed the trust of a close friend or family member. Thankfully, my “incident” was very minor…thank goodness!   Friends and family are too important…don’t do anything to jeopardize those relationships (assuming those relationships aren’t toxic)!
  6. Took unnecessary risks. There are so many things that I can look back on and think to myself, “What the heck was I thinking?”  The less of those moments you have, the better.
  7. Took on the responsibility of a pet before I was ready. Trust me, pets are a lot of work and they don’t deserve to have an owner that isn’t prepared for the responsibilities that go along with owning them.  WAIT until you are ready!  Keep in mind too, that pets are considered “baggage” if you happen to be single and looking.
  8. Worried too much about what others thought of me.  It doesn’t matter what other people think of you.  “Like” yourself first and things will flow from there.
  9. Maintained a long friendship with a highly toxic individual. Seriously, don’t waste your time.  These people will literally suck the life out of you.  If I could only have all of that wasted time back!
  10. Took on unnecessary debt. Just because Visa was “generous” enough to issue you a credit card does not mean that you need to use it to indulge in gratuitous spending sprees.
  11. Loaned a significant amount of money to someone. Go ahead and do so, but always assume that you will never see that money again…and that the relationship you once had with that individual will be very different than it was before you loaned out the money, if you, if you simply need a loan I recommend getting it from a serious companie, Visit Us to find out all the business loans options you have.  I’m not saying you shouldn’t be generous, but be smart about it.
  12. Sent naked pictures over the internet. Actually, I’ve never done this…and neither should you!  EVER!
  13. Put my social life ahead of my studies. There’s certainly nothing wrong with being social, but balance it well and don’t let your social life derail your ability to do well in school.
  14. Allowed myself to believe that certain behaviors were wrong even though they were NOT. Often times, religion has us believing that a lot of “natural” or “normal” behaviors are wrong…when they, in fact, are not.  Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.  If the behavior isn’t illegal, harmful to yourself or others and/or if it doesn’t intrude upon anyone else’s rights then there’s a good chance that the behavior you are engaging in is perfectly okay.  Use good judgment.  Enjoy your life…but be cautious.

So here you have ‘em…just a few of the mistakes that I made that I hope my daughters are able to avoid. Stay tuned for parts 2, 3, 4, and 5 of the mistakes I made that I hope my daughters never make.

Seriously, you don’t actually believe I’ve made THAT many mistakes, do you?