For My Kids: How to Tell if a Friend Is Actually a Good Friend
- Chris Theisen
- Nov 21
- 2 min read
As kids grow, their social world expands fast—new classmates, teammates, neighbors, and online connections. Some of these friendships blossom, some fade, and some leave us wondering:
Is this person truly a good friend… or just someone my child happens to hang out with?
Teaching kids how to recognize healthy friendships is one of the best skills we can give them. Instead of telling them who to be friends with, we can help them think critically about how their friendships make them feel.
A simple way to do that? Ask the right questions.
Below is an updated list of kid-friendly, parent-approved questions that help reveal whether a friendship is building your child up—or quietly tearing them down.
Questions That Reveal a True Friend
Connection & Compatibility
Do you and your friend share similar interests or enjoy doing things together?
Does your friend make you feel comfortable being yourself?
Do you usually have fun when you hang out?
Kindness & Support
Does your friend care about your feelings?
Is your friend supportive when you’re struggling or upset?
Does your friend cheer for your successes (not get jealous of them)?
Does your friend encourage you to make good choices?
Respect & Communication
Is your friend a good listener?
Can you trust your friend with personal thoughts or feelings?
Does your friend keep their word?
Does your friend speak kindly to you—and about you?
Behavior & Character
Does your friend treat others with kindness and respect?
Does your friend include others or are they often mean, rude, or exclusive?
Does your friend give off positive energy… not constant drama?
Is your friend honest, loyal, and dependable?
Red Flags to Pay Attention To
Does your friend pressure you to do things you know aren’t right?
Do you ever feel taken advantage of?
Does your friend gossip about you or others?
Does your friend tease or embarrass you “just for laughs”?
Is your friend only around when things are fun—but disappears when you need them?
Helping Your Child Make Sense of Their Answers
Once your child answers these questions (honestly!), help them reflect:
Do you feel good about yourself when you’re with this friend?
Do you feel safe being yourself around them?
Does this friendship add to your life… or drain you?
A healthy friendship isn’t perfect—and kids will make mistakes. But a good friend consistently shows kindness, respect, honesty, and loyalty. If a friend repeatedly crosses boundaries, makes your child feel small, or pulls them toward unsafe behavior, it may be time to rethink the relationship.
The Big Question: Is This Friend Worth Keeping?
Friendships should lift kids up, not weigh them down. If most of the answers point toward positivity, great—that friend is a keeper. If not, it might be time to set boundaries, take a break, or move on.
Helping your child understand these qualities now lays the foundation for healthy relationships throughout their teen years and into adulthood.
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