Using “Grandma’s Rule” to Gain Compliance
- Chris Theisen
- Dec 2
- 3 min read
Updated: Dec 2
In a world full of behavior charts, reward apps, and complex incentive systems, it’s easy to forget that some of the most effective behavior strategies are also the simplest. One of the classics—often used long before behavior science had a name—is affectionately called “Grandma’s Rule.” You may know it by its more formal behavioral term: the Premack Principle.
Regardless of what you call it, this approach is a powerful, humane, and practical tool for increasing cooperation at home, in classrooms, and even in adult work settings. Best of all: it feels natural.
What Is “Grandma’s Rule”?
Think back to childhood. If you had a grandmother who said something like:
“You can have dessert after you finish your veggies.”
…then you’ve already experienced Grandma’s Rule.
In behavior terms, it means a more preferred activity happens only after a less preferred activity is completed. The higher-value activity motivates the lower-value one.
First work, then play.
First chores, then screen time.
First the meeting, then the team lunch.
It’s simple, predictable, and fair—and that’s part of why it works so well.
Why It Works
Grandma’s Rule uses natural preferences rather than power struggles. Instead of arguing, threatening consequences, or nagging, you’re simply aligning behavior with motivation.
This approach:
✔ Establishes clear expectations
People know exactly what has to happen—and what comes next.
✔ Uses natural reinforcers
You’re not introducing bribes or artificial rewards. You’re scheduling what they already want.
✔ Builds independence and responsibility
It promotes the idea that privileges are earned through completed tasks.
✔ Reduces conflict
When the pattern is consistent and predictable, resistance tends to decrease over time.
How to Apply Grandma’s Rule Effectively
1. Be Clear and Specific
State the sequence in a calm, neutral way.
“First clean up the toys, then we’ll read your favorite book.”
“First send the report, then feel free to take your break.”
Avoid vague statements like “Be good and then we’ll see.”
2. Keep the “then” something genuinely motivating
If the follow-up activity isn’t appealing, it won’t motivate the task.
3. Follow through consistently
If the person completes the task, honor the “then. ”If not, calmly delay the privilege until the task is done. Consistency builds trust.
4. Keep the tasks achievable
The “first” task should be reasonable and within the person’s ability. Start small and build up.
5. Use a positive tone—not coercion
This isn’t about control. It’s about providing structure. Think of it more like guiding, not forcing.
Examples in Real Life
With Children
“First brush your teeth, then we’ll do bedtime songs.”
“First homework, then video games.”
With Teens
“First finish your chore list, then you can go out.”
With Adults
“First we finalize the proposal, then we’ll wrap up early on Friday.”
“First the workout, then coffee at your favorite café.”
With Yourself
Yes—this works even as a form of self-motivation.
“First answer three emails, then scroll social media.”
“First finish one task, then enjoy a snack.”
What Grandma Knew All Along
Grandma’s Rule endures because it taps into something universal: we all work better when there’s something enjoyable on the other side of effort.
By returning to this simple, proven structure, you can:
Reduce resistance
Build healthy habits
Encourage responsibility
Create smoother routines
Strengthen relationships
Often, the most effective tools aren’t the newest—they’re the ones that have stood the test of time.
Comments